it’s euphoric to see me this way:
throat so raw
air feels like sandpaper
in my lungs
it brings you happiness
to see me grovel
for your affection
Please, please, please
don’t leave me
it fills you with joy
to know that you’ve created a void
an ache in my chest bigger than
the one I caused you
you keep biting at me
insults through letters and words
but I sit here &
just to be close to you
I’m nothing to you or anyone else
& you love it
but I’m the selfish one
so hurt me
because you don’t deserve me
maybe one day I’ll wake up
after everything you’ve done to erase me
and realize I deserve better
but for now
I’m begging with chapped lips
and a sandpaper throat:
There’s a pain I can’t ignore
Because Earlier I got to thinkin’ “Maybe I can”
but there’s things you don’t want to deal with
so there in lies the problem
to deny what love is
transforms you to hate.
People are startin’ to worry
that I’ll say good-bye to what I was
now that I feel like this.
I’m talkin’ to him
and askin’ him “Is this right?”
but he’s tellin’ me “No”
it don’t suprise me
the answer was there all along.
I’m talkin’ to her
but she don’t know the problem
she don’t know what she’s about.
I don’t wanna say good-bye to yesterday
because it lacks these complications
the things I have to hide
but maybe I can just say it isn’t there
but there in lies the problem…
because it is.
She can’t speak, lips trembling, shoulders hunched. He continues to scar her, his words cutting so deep she’ll never forget. She’s ashamed of ever loving him, of still loving him. She sits there and he overcomes her, calling her nothing.
“You’re a mistake, you were from the beginning,” he continues, squeezing her shoulders harshly as if it helped make his point clear.
“I wish I had never laid eyes on you.”
It’s always something isn’t it? Something this. Something that. Excuses for not wanting to spend time around me. Excuses for wanting to spend time around me. It’s exhausting. Why can’t you just…
“if I’m going to have a girl by my side when I talk to my friends she needs to be my girlfriend and not…you”
I guess I’ll keep that in mind.
You gave me an ultimatum. I did what you wanted. Quit my job, changed to a different one. I did absolutely everything you asked. Then last night when we were laying in bed, you were holding me, kissing my forehead, caressing my cheek gently…telling me how beautiful I am.
I whispered so softly you almost didn’t hear it
“I love you”
and you laughed