Girls Like Me

Girls like me,
don’t fall in love
we watch love happen.

Girls like me,
wait for love
want love
give love
but do not receive love.

Girls like me,
are not meant to be loved
we are meant to watch 
and help love happen.

Girls like me,
try for love and fail.

Girls like me,
die alone
and bro-  -ken.

Girls like me,
will love, giving all of ourselves,
but will not receive it’s warmth in return.

We will cry
but we will not receive comfort
we will bleed
but the bleeding will never stop.

Girls like me,
want to be loved
but no one will love us.

We will write about love,
we will dream about love,
we will love love
but we will never feel it.

Girls like me,
end up alone.

Lithium

shove these p i l l s down my throat and 
t e l l – m e that I’m normal
enough for you when I’m staring at an 
empty void, loss of color and focus.

you tell me I can be f i x e d with 
medication but, when was I ever

BRO –
           – KEN?


stop trying to fix something that’s complete
you’re p i c k i n g away at what I am

T   E 
        A  R
               ING


away w h o  i  tried so hard to become.

you tell me I need theselittlewhite p i l l s
because for once in my life I’m finally
H A P P Y.

Lost in the Void of Normalcy

you’d rather i be 

m e dICATED

and normal, simple, dead 
in my eyes
(you want them to be void
of sparkle and hope, grace, compassion)

you think it’d be easier
if i never felt the things rising to the surface
bubbling and causing the sweet upward curl
of my lips.

you wish i was flat, emotionless, broken
you choke me on those pills
tell me it’s helping me to be NORMAL
but all it does is bring the 
numbness back and force me 
under the perpetual shade of
darkness behind my eyelids.

i’ll never be normal enough for you.

Line Breaks

I’m caught
in these lines,
stanzas, versus,
lyrics
because they
remind me how
broken, lonely
in love
I am.

I read
them so often
it almost
hurts
they always
tell me who
I am
or was
long ago.

Even now
my words have
the ability
to
break someone’s
heart on contact
to show
love and
hate – red.

They overtake
my memories of
a happier
time
and make
them seem less
important than
the times
of sadness.

I wish
I could find
my way
out
of this
labyrinth of dark
words and
unhappy moments
in life.

Nonsense

This isn’t technically a poem, but it’s close to it.

It was a simple task on record, but off it was easily the hardest thing she could ever hope to accomplish.  

In his arms, things were safe, warm, delicate but on the outside of his embrace she was finding life hard to cope with.  On the outside there were no gentle kisses to her lips, cheek and forehead to reassure her of her safety.  There was no strong arms to hold her up from hitting rock bottom.  And there was certainly no peaceful slumber.

She could argue that he didn’t understand what he did to her.  She could almost be certain that he didn’t know of the delicate emotions that erupted with every twitch of his fingers and every flutter of his eyelashes against her cheek.  And, of course, she knew without a doubt that he didn’t know about the sensations she felt when he pressed his bare flesh against hers, or nuzzled her neck.

In fact, she wasn’t even quite sure herself.  The only word previously used to describe these intense emotions was “butterflies”.  The word seemed so broad now.  The butterflies referred to a feeling in your chest or stomach, not a feeling that washed over your skin in waves, making you feel warm, safe and wanted.

Outside of his arms was where she currently resided, head resting on her knees, eyes staring sideways at the blue wall in her darkened room.  One hour being both the exact amount of time he had been gone and the exact amount of time she slept the previous evening (or morning, but who’s counting).  

She was tired, her mind ceased making sense and she still tingled from the whisper of his touch (strong arms previously wrapped around her).  Her body ached to both be with him and to drift off into a peaceful slumber, where her memories of those few beautiful (however, fleeting) moments they shared earlier in the day would be on repeat (and not drenched in blue around the edges).

Alas, neither ache would subside as neither want would come true.

Peace was written on the walls, on her sheets, on her blanket, on her clothes, but never in her mind.  Slumber was painted where it was able to be seen, but not to be acted out.  Love was at the fore front of her mind, body still holding sweet whispers of caresses.  

Dear Mr. Sandman,
the slumber never calms
the waking beast
changing their heart
to let someone in

but perhaps, it’s misery.

the way i want this to be always

It’s been so long, I’d forgotten how good it felt to rest against you like this.  I know we’re both crying now, but I can’t help thinking how amazing it feels to have my face resting against your chest and your arm around me.  

I can’t explain it, but I want to be here with you…like this forever.  It’s comforting to feel this sensation of belonging.  Your hand brushes over my hair and down my back and I’ve never felt so much love for you.

The way things are right now, with you smiling down at me, kissing the top of my head and lacing your free hand with the one I placed on your chest…I wouldn’t trade this for the world.  I feel the sting of tears being brought forth and a smile coming to my lips.  

My thoughts immediately shift to a song from the opera we watched together and I feel the tears roll down from my eyes, down my cheeks and over my lips.  

I never knew I’d love you so much, but I do.

Power Lines & Internet Modems

You have a bad signal
but I’ve got the broken heart
the salty drops of rain that fall

<            /           3

They break me
lure me in with false hope
false love, false everything
then cast me aside…
my only hope being to call
y  o  u.

But you’re lost in your own land
of power-lines and internet modems
I’m hurt and you can’t reach me
I guess it’s what I should expect

You can’t always be there
and I know that but…
I really needed you now.

but.  y. ou.         .ve.a          onnec.         tion.