v e r b a t i m

“close your eyes,” you tell me.
I’m so nervous I can’t stop trembling.

You never stopped there
they said you USED me
but I don’t want to listen to reason
I’m too stubborn for their truths.

You hold my hand
tell me to run away
{with you,} for you
I can’t say what you’ve said to me.
it’s all lies.

I write so the drugs will pass me by
YOU USED ME.

Say she isn’t angry now,
but my head is splitting and I can’t
FEEL anymore.
I’ve heard you lie so many times.

“Just you,” you say to me;
and like a SPOILED child I believed you.
You tell me “you’re amazing.”
but you don’t know them IMPACT of the words.

You’d tell me anything to use me again,
but as I see this far ahead the threats just aren’t WORTH it.
not with what you have to offer.

You pay me off
like I’m so cheap you can use me over and over.

It’s funny how you think you can trust them,
they’d rat you out in an instant while I struggle with these secrets.

For you I have been beaten and bruised,
yet you still laugh at my iniquity.
YOU WERE PART OF IT TOO.

Tell me why you are so clean,
tell me why you aren’t bleeding.

I feel so heavy, like lead.
the pressure is overwhelming.
I CAN’T BREATHE.

I’ve waited so long for a moment I can’t even remember,
It was everything and nothing to me
why can’t I remember how it felt?

You tell me I’m crazy,
but you’ve NEVER seen these words.
I can’t let go of this anger and pain…
everyone would be so suspicious of what happened.

Even when I speak to you I can’t get it out.
you have the NERVE to ask me why I’m crying
you knew I could never make it.

You tell me I’m being “overly dramatic”
but when there’s so much inside that I can’t get out

TELL ME
that you wouldn’t die too.

s o m a n y t h i n g s l e f t u n s a i d;
you’d think I was speaking in another language.
this is how I speak.

In your stupidity you don’t know how much it hurts
I never lied to you when I told you it was d i f f e r e n t for me. 

girls like me;

Girls like me,
don’t fall in love
we watch love happen.

Girls like me,
wait for love
want love
give love
but do not receive love.

Girls like me,
are not meant to be loved
we are meant to watch 
and help love happen.

Girls like me,
try for love and fail.

Girls like me,
die alone
and broken.

Girls like me,
will love, giving all of ourselves,
but will not receive it’s warmth in return.

We will cry
but we will not receive comfort
we will bleed
but the bleeding will never stop.

Girls like me,
want to be loved
but no one will love us.

We will write about love,
we will dream about love,
we will love love
but we will never feel it.

Girls like me,
end up alone.