v e r b a t i m

“close your eyes,” you tell me.
I’m so nervous I can’t stop trembling.

You never stopped there
they said you USED me
but I don’t want to listen to reason
I’m too stubborn for their truths.

You hold my hand
tell me to run away
{with you,} for you
I can’t say what you’ve said to me.
it’s all lies.

I write so the drugs will pass me by
YOU USED ME.

Say she isn’t angry now,
but my head is splitting and I can’t
FEEL anymore.
I’ve heard you lie so many times.

“Just you,” you say to me;
and like a SPOILED child I believed you.
You tell me “you’re amazing.”
but you don’t know them IMPACT of the words.

You’d tell me anything to use me again,
but as I see this far ahead the threats just aren’t WORTH it.
not with what you have to offer.

You pay me off
like I’m so cheap you can use me over and over.

It’s funny how you think you can trust them,
they’d rat you out in an instant while I struggle with these secrets.

For you I have been beaten and bruised,
yet you still laugh at my iniquity.
YOU WERE PART OF IT TOO.

Tell me why you are so clean,
tell me why you aren’t bleeding.

I feel so heavy, like lead.
the pressure is overwhelming.
I CAN’T BREATHE.

I’ve waited so long for a moment I can’t even remember,
It was everything and nothing to me
why can’t I remember how it felt?

You tell me I’m crazy,
but you’ve NEVER seen these words.
I can’t let go of this anger and pain…
everyone would be so suspicious of what happened.

Even when I speak to you I can’t get it out.
you have the NERVE to ask me why I’m crying
you knew I could never make it.

You tell me I’m being “overly dramatic”
but when there’s so much inside that I can’t get out

TELL ME
that you wouldn’t die too.

s o m a n y t h i n g s l e f t u n s a i d;
you’d think I was speaking in another language.
this is how I speak.

In your stupidity you don’t know how much it hurts
I never lied to you when I told you it was d i f f e r e n t for me. 

girls like me;

Girls like me,
don’t fall in love
we watch love happen.

Girls like me,
wait for love
want love
give love
but do not receive love.

Girls like me,
are not meant to be loved
we are meant to watch 
and help love happen.

Girls like me,
try for love and fail.

Girls like me,
die alone
and broken.

Girls like me,
will love, giving all of ourselves,
but will not receive it’s warmth in return.

We will cry
but we will not receive comfort
we will bleed
but the bleeding will never stop.

Girls like me,
want to be loved
but no one will love us.

We will write about love,
we will dream about love,
we will love love
but we will never feel it.

Girls like me,
end up alone.

Everyday Magic

You’re my everday amazing
the reason I smile in the mornings
the reason I try so hard to be.

You’re my everyday beautiful
your smile sends me reeling 
your eyes suck me into your soul.

You’re my everyday lover
the arms that hold me close
the hands that brush my skin.

You’re my eveyday magic
you cast a spell on my heart
you draw me in with your trance.

You’re my everyday everything
           and I can’t let you go.

Our Game

It’s like this:
you wait a lifetime to hear hello
but all they wanna say is good-bye
you wait forever to be their reason
but all they wanna tell you is a lie.

It’s like you smile for something you’re gonna lose
waiting for that person to notice you’re not playing
you want something serious, but they’re not into it.

So they leave you there and you don’t know what to say
they break your heart and you wait, just wait. 

Weird

“You’ll never make me feel the way he does.”
“You chose me first.”
“I didn’t choose you.”
“You wanted me first.”
“I didn’t want you.”
“You’re lying.”
“I was interested. I didn’t want you. I didn’t choose you.”
“You were interested in me first.”
“I didn’t know him then.”
“You would’ve still liked me.”
“I wish I didn’t.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Why?”
“You’re ruining my relationship.”
“That isn’t my fault.”
“You want it to be.”
“Maybe.”
“That’s cruel.”
“You’re cruel.”
“You can’t honestly think that.”
“I do.”
“I see the way you look at me.”
“You see what you want to see.”
“Maybe I do.”
“You can’t honestly expect me to believe that you have feelings for him.”
“You’ll never make me feel the way he does.”
“So you still have feelings for me?”
“Ones that are dying.”
“You still want me?”
“I never wanted you.”
“You’re still interested in me?”
“I don’t want to be.”
“But you are.”
“Not like I am with him.”
“More or less?”
“Less.”
“Why?”
“You’ll never make me feel the way he does.”
“You’ve said that three times.”
“It’s true.”
“Whatever.”
“I have to go.”
“Whatever.”
“Bye.”
“Later.”

Have you ever?

Have you ever been so in love
that his smile is your lullaby,
his eyes are your night sky,
he overtakes your dreams.

Have you ever been so in love
that he steals your breath
his hair comes in whispers
sweet caresses on your cheek.

Have you ever been so in love
that his laugh is your morning song
sweet melody carried by the wind
hitting your ear in sweet rhythmic tones.

Have you ever been so in love
that he’s the soundtrack of your summer
every song you hear makes you think of him
in everything you write, he has a place.

Have you ever been so in love
that you get butterflies when you see him
even if you just catch a glimpse
see him for a fleeting moment.