i’m the selfish one

Admit it
it’s euphoric to see me this way:
lips chapped
nose red
mouth agape
throat so raw
air feels like sandpaper
in my lungs

it brings you happiness
to see me grovel
beg, long
for your affection

Please, please, please
don’t leave me

but…
you do

&
it fills you with joy
to know that you’ve created a void
an ache in my chest bigger than
the one I caused you

you keep biting at me
insults through letters and words
but I sit here &
wait…
just to be close to you

but…
I’m nothing to you or anyone else
I’m here
bro
ken
& you love it

but I’m the selfish one
so hurt me
because you don’t deserve me

maybe one day I’ll wake up
after everything you’ve done to erase me
and realize I deserve better

but for now
I’m begging with chapped lips
and a sandpaper throat:

don’t go. 

Introspection: Labor

You act like you’re the only person in the world who has ever been stressed or… inconvenienced.
But you don’t even see the people practically detonating all around you.
Your tiny amount of stress
is almost

                                                                                   Laughable.

Flash Fiction: Cadence

My entire mouth tastes like coffee on the inside.  I haven’t had coffee in probably 3 months.  But every 8 minutes for 6 to 8 hours straight I have to brew coffee.  Over and over and over again.  I can do it in my sleep now.

1. Reset Timer
2. Scoop
3. Grind
4. Prepare
5. Brew

Repeat

                       repeat

                                          repeat