Asexuality Informational/Venting Post

After writing Marjorie Diaz, my second book, I’ve run into a lot of issues with Marjorie Diaz being ace. Here are some things I’ve learned and had people say to me post-publication:

1. Nobody knows what “ace” is.

If you use the term “ace” a lot of people are like “wtf is that??” In fact, most people (INCLUDING people in the LGBT space) don’t even know what “asexuality” is. Even in California where I live, in the gayest city in the United States, I’ve had to explain that shit so much. 

2. People don’t think asexuality is real

Once I explain what ace or asexual is to people, they usually try to tell me it “isn’t real”. Like, what? Yes, it is. It is very, very real and It is 100% okay not to like sex! 

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3. People were mad I didn’t have sex in my book

I’ve had a few people get PISSED at me for not having sex in Marjorie

Like. WHEN WAS I GONNA WRITE A SEX SCENE? I literally mention in CHAPTER 1 that Marjorie is ACE (I say asexual because in my focus groups 95% of people didn’t know what “ace” was). 

There was nowhere for me to put a sex scene. A few people suggested I write a scene with Marjorie’s roommate having sex instead, but the great thing about that is the whole book is from Marjorie’s perspective. 

It’s like, you write one sex scene in a fluffy novel about nymphs and everyone believes you can write ace characters. 

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4. “I don’t believe your character is actually ace”

Like 3, this one is really Marjorie centric. 

I’ve had several people tell me to my face while reading my book that they “don’t believe Marjorie is actually ace” and oh my God I can’t even begin to tell you how much this pisses me off. 

YES. MARJORIE IS ACTUALLY ACE! 100%. SHE IS L I T E R A L L Y ASEXUAL. There is no sex or even really kissing in the book because of this. While Marjorie doesn’t mind kissing, she and Patrick never get around to that part of the relationship.

There’s a reason in book 2, but it hasn’t been revealed yet. 

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5. Ace people can’t be romantic

This is literally not even true and idk where people are getting this. Ace and Aro are two different things. Though I do think some people include Aro on the ace spectrum, the two are not mutually exclusive. 

In fact, in Marjorie Diaz, a lot of the book is about the romance between Marjorie and her chosen love interest, Patrick. There’s no kissing on the lips, but there are kisses on the cheeks, cuddling, hand-holding, etc. There’s so much fluff it’ll rot your teeth.

Yet I was still railed for not having enough romance. There are different ways of being romantic outside of sex and making out. 

I mean there’s literally a part where Patrick carries Marjorie to the subway because she has a migraine. I’m sorry you straights don’t experience cute fluff like that.

Angry Gay Writing Advice: How to Write Bisexual Characters

NEWSFLASH: BI’S EXIST

Sit down and shut up and let me tell you how to the fuck to write bisexual characters. 

Rule 1: That Means They Get To Be Bi 

Even the dudes (Thanks Thirteen for your insight on this). Men can be bi! It’s true! You wouldn’t know it from television or the current bisexual climate, but they can be. 

The only bisexual dudes I can think of literature wise are Simon Snow from Carry On (Though he never says it out LOUD when EXPRESSLY ASKEd. I’m WATCHING YOU Rainbow ROWELL) and Adam Parrish from The Raven Boys Series. And to be honest, that’s not right. 

The point being, let your men be bi. Especially when you’re writing reverse harem titles. Having everyone be rigidly straight is exhausting. And I know that threesomes might be difficult to write, but we didn’t become writers because it’s easy.

Rule 2: You Don’t Have To Be Obnoxious 

I have several bisexual characters whose sexuality never comes up in casual conversation. That’s okay. You don’t have to force it. Don’t make their sexuality the only thing about them. 

The best advice I can give you is to think about one of your friends who is gay or bi or pan or whatever and think about their traits. Is their only trait their sexuality? No? Then why the FUCK would your character’s? You’re creating a living breathing person inside of your head. Not a puppet. Act like it

Rule 3: Multiple Relationships

This is something you should be practicing in writing anyway. People don’t have one relationship throughout the course of their lives. They have several. The best and easiest way to showcase a character’s sexuality is 1) through them discussing it with other characters and 2) through them having more than one relationship throughout your book. 

This does NOT mean to make them a slut. They don’t need to be expressly humping everyone they see. Bisexual representation is important in literature. So you need to be representing bisexuals right. And while they’re also people and can be slutty, it’s important that people don’t get the idea that all bisexuals are sluts all the time. So don’t fuck it up. 

Rule 4: I Will Come To Your House And Kick Your Ass If You Make This Tragic

Number one thing I hate, and all my other LGBTQIA+ friends hate as well, are tragic gays. Bro. Not all gays are tragic bro. Leave that shit back in the early 2000s where it belongs. Tragic gays are behind us. It’s time to start having gays that are widely accepted and not ridiculed. And it is BEYOND TIME to have Bisexual representation in our society. 

It is okay to be bi. Show this through your writing. Have people ask questions and get them clarified through actual bisexual people. Show your straight characters being supportive and great about it or have them not react at all. Normalize LGBTQIA+ in your writing. 

Rule 5: Gay relationships and Straight Relationships Are Exactly The Same

With a few key differences. I’m sure you can figure out what differences on your own, but in case you can’t: It’s sex. Sex is the key difference. When you’re writing a smut thing it’s important to know that girl on girl is different than girl on guy, and you should use protection for both. 

If you aren’t clear on the specifics of a sexual act between same sex or the opposite sex. You have two options:

1) Research it until you’re familiar with it. And no I’m not talking about porn. Porn is not real life. They don’t talk about protection. They don’t show you the funny stuff or the gross stuff. They don’t have real conversations before sex. 

I’m talking testimonials. I’m talking reading other stories and reading blogs about how to write erotica. Do hardcore research like actually fucking try. OR.

2) Don’t write it.

It’s as easy as that.