There are. Eleven things. I want to write. To 11 people. You think you know me?
You make me feel like crap. You make me feel so horrible about where I am in life, I don’t even know how to love you anymore. You tell me that without me the “house stays clean” and you call me “lazy” and you tell me that I’ll “never be anything”.
She–your daughter–tells me that you just say that because you believe in me and you want you challenge me to be the best that I can be. Is she serious? I don’t think she is because all you ever say to me is negative.
I don’t think you know how you make me feel when you say things like that. Not to mention you’re always hostile and living with you makes me feel sick. You make me feel disgusted with humanity. I can’t even trust anyone else! I can’t! You’ve made everything in my life horrible and I can’t even…
You’re my world and I love what you’ve done to me. Though, you tell me I’m a doormat, and maybe I am, but please…can’t you just trust and support me? I love you so much I can’t even stand it. I don’t regret anything I’ve done with you and if we don’t last, I doubt I ever will. I don’t even think I can move on if you decided you didn’t want me anymore.
I’m in awe of you. Don’t you know that, I’m in awe of you! You make me feel more than anyone ever could.
Sometimes, when you ask me if all I want you for is what you can do for me, it hurts. I love you. I’d be just as happy just being with you and never being allowed to ask you for something again as I am right now. You’re so perfect for me, if I ever lost you I don’t think I’d be able to go on.
There’s a lot of things we used to be and the fact that we aren’t anymore bugs me. It’s hard to talk to you because I’m not social and neither are you. You get depressed easily and it’s really hard for me to carry on a conversation. Especially since I can only talk about things you’re interested in. So, I’m really sorry, but that’s why we never talk.
You don’t do anything and think you can treat us all like crap. You use my friends and my boyfriend. You’re so stupid you’ve tried to kill yourself repeatedly over the same dumb girl. When are you going to get it?
I wish you’d stop hugging me. I don’t even want to touch you anymore because I don’t like you. I really don’t like you. At all. Neither do my friends. They wish you’d stop asking them for money and rides.
But we’re all afraid of you.
For the longest time I thought you didn’t like me. But you’re one of the coolest–if I can say this–moms I know. I’d love for you to be my mom, but I get the impression that you might have a bit of a temper. Probably not as bad as my mother’s (who none of us can even stand to be around, no matter how much we love her), but I’m too meek to be yelled at anymore. However, I love you nonetheless. You tell the best stories and I wish I got to see you more.
You. Make. Me. Sick. And you need to back off. You need to just back the heck off. Find your own.
Don’t you know it’s rude to stare? Close your mouth and look away before I get up and leave. You’re being rude by looking at me all the time. I don’t know why you’re even staring over here. Seriously? Just stop and go about your business. I hope you leave soon, or I swear I’m going to call campus security on you.
I don’t like you. I’ve never liked you. I use you for gossip because you’re the only person that talks to me about the things I want to hear. Then you talk about me behind my back.
You told everyone I was bi. You told everyone who I liked.
And it all backfired because I still get more than you.
You’re a mess. I wish you’d stop turning to drugs to get rid of it. I knew this is what would happen. So why don’t you just suck it up and live like the rest of us?
Because. You’re. Weak.
You’re so fake. I wish everyone could see you the way I see you.
We don’t have any of the same interests anymore. I wish you’d acknowledge that and let me go.
these are my 11 secrets about eleven secret people
So tired. I can’t even function, think straight. But…but…I’ll be up all night in tears again. You don’t know what you do to me.
Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore. It’s not right when you’re gone. It just isn’t. I stay up and I try not to call you. I try to wait until you call me, but I’m so addicted to your voice that it’s so hard for me to even imagine being without it.
You. You on the other hand. You don’t feel anything do you? You don’t understand why I’d need you so much. Or how much it hurts to only be permitted to need you for one day a week.
It gets harder every time. Especially when that phone rings and I know you have to disappear.
It kills me. It kills me when you hang up, sigh and stare at me with those big brown eyes. And I know. I just know where it’s going.
And you get up and you leave, tell me you have to and if it were my choice. You can’t make promises anymore. And I can’t take the broken hearts. Littered with the knowledge of paper, the title of “pure” and the quantity of “six”.
I write about the sandman and I tell you “It’s a true story” the hole that “leads to neverland” is really… in my back yard and is, the size of my fist and it could p u l l you through it just as easily as it was dug.
I write about the deep blue ocean and I tell you “It’s dark, crushing me” the ocean is suffocating and it’s where I re si de when you’re not with me.
I write about my bruise kissed eyes and I tell you “I can’t imagine sleeping” not without you, your breath against my ear and the smell of cinnamon and strawberries I tell you “the white noise” is what helps me sleep but really, it’s the certainty of knowing you can be so close that I can (almost) feel you.
I write about the dreams I have about you and I tell you “I can feel you sometimes” but I feel you every night, I can imagine your skin your hair, fingertips, light touches as you trace my body do you even know? The question is simple, stupid even I can f e e l you.
I write about you, mostly and I tell you “I love you” and sometimes you question the truthfulness and it hurts, but I question you too in s i l e n c e and I try hard not to make it known.
I write about how you break my heart and I tell you nothing and let you believe in the hurt but you could never break me
Its paralyzing I can feel it in my sleep In my dreams
The fear chases away The light, happiness My heart is filled with black clouds Of pain and constant Constant Constant Fear
Some days I can’t function Because I am so afraid Of everything Because my demons Chase me Until I can’t run There’s nowhere to hide The darkness is everywhere Because my demons Are determined
I lay my head down And I try to hide Wishing for the days when I had nightmares about driverless cars And no constant sense of IMPENDING DOOM And of my own mortality
I miss the nightmares With the bathroom stalls The light that chased the fear away Now I can’t even sleep with the Bathroom door open Lest the monsters get out Lest they bleed into reality Lest they come out of my head Free of my imagination
Because they are coming I feel it in my fear Because why Why would so much fear be for Nothing
Why would it take over So completely If there’s nothing Nothing to be afraid of Because my demons Are real
It’s been so long, I’d forgotten how good it felt to rest against you like this. I know we’re both crying now, but I can’t help thinking how amazing it feels to have my face resting against your chest and your arm around me.
I can’t explain it, but I want to be here with you…like this forever. It’s comforting to feel this sensation of belonging. Your hand brushes over my hair and down my back and I’ve never felt so much love for you.
The way things are right now, with you smiling down at me, kissing the top of my head and lacing your free hand with the one I placed on your chest…I wouldn’t trade this for the world. I feel the sting of tears being brought forth and a smile coming to my lips.
My thoughts immediately shift to a song from the opera we watched together and I feel the tears roll down from my eyes, down my cheeks and over my lips.
Fury: Well let me know if real power wants a magazine or something. Me: BWAHAHAHAHA
Cap: An army…from outer space. Goddammit why am I even alive rn.
Bruce: That man’s brain is a BAGE full of cats Thor: Have care with how you speak. Loki is batshit crazy, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother. Natasha: *glances up from filing her nails into daggers* He killed 80 people in like 5 minutes.
Bruce: Why does he need iridium Tony: *smartest person in room mode* It’s a stabilizing agent. Me: Oh my god my two husbandos in one room what’s gonna happen~~
I don’t even know what he’s saying. Something about portals not collapsing and shit? No idea. He’s so hot. Help.
Oh my god every woman in this room is so DONE with Tony Stark. Like how many of them are going to roll their eyes while he’s talking and also checking them out.
Tony: How does Fury even see these? Agent ya g0rl: He turns. Tony: Sounds exhausting. Me: Why do I love this man he is so mean.
Tony: Am I the only one who did the reading? Me: Yeah. You nerd.
Bruce: *saying smart things* Tony: FINALLY. Someone who speaks English. Cap: *jealous* is that what just happened?
Me @ cap:
Thor: Monkies…I do not understand Cap: I do! Tony:
Tony and Banner are going off to PLAAAYYY
Hehehehe they’re playing with Loki’s magic stick someone stop me oh my god. I swear I’m an adult.
Tony: Come to my house Dr. Banner. Meet my girlfriend. She could also be your girlfriend. It’s fine. Bruce: What? Tony: What.
Tony: I promise a stress free environment…no surprises… Also Tony:
Tony: What’s your secret? Bongo drums? Yoga? Huge bag of weed? Bruce: *giggling like a schoolgirl*
Tony: You’re tip-toeing, big man. You need ta STRUT. Bruce: I will once 40s over here leaves Tony: *giggling* Cap: I don’t get that reference.
Cap: The Stark Tower? That big ugly… Tony: BITCH Me: BITCH
Bruce: *compliments the building* ilu Tony: ilu2 *back to cap* I’m kind of the only name in clean energy right now
Cap: Yeah. And you’re all about style aren’t you?
Tony is so sad and so sassy to Steve because he’s like “My dad loved you more than me, but I’m also smarter and more capable and—” and y’all I am really fucking sad about it.
Tony: That’s the guy my dad never shut up about? Maybe they should’ve kept him on ice. Bruce: ….oh Tony.
Oh my god they’re so sweet to each other I can’t. Who let me watch this.
Thor feels so much remorse for what happened on earth the last time he was there. And I’m just like…Thor. bby.
Thor: Loki is a prisoner Fury: Then why do I feel like he’s the only person on this boat that wants to be here? Me: Y’all ain’t even kNOW
Loki: Not many people can sneak up on me
Nastasha: I had a VERY specific skill set. Loki:
Natasha: Agent Barton was sent to kill me…he made a different call… Loki: I like this. Your world hangs in the balance and you bargain for the life of one man. Natasha: Ha. Regimes fall every day. I tend not to weep over that. I’m Russian.
Nat: I’ve got red in my ledger. I wanna wipe it out. Loki: Can you? Can you wipe out that much red? Dracoff’s daughter? Me: PROTECT THIS WOMAN
Loki: Your Ledger is dripping. It’s gushing with red. And you think you can fix it by saving a man who is no more virtuous than yourself? Me: OH MY GOD STOP.
Loki: I wont touch Barton. Not until I make him kill you. Slowly. Intimately. In every way he knows you fear. Me: OH MY GOD DANGER ALERT Loki: And he’ll wake long enough to see his good work and when he screams I’ll split his skull Me: ….WHAT EMO BULLSHIT IS THIS
Loki: This is my bargain you mewling quim Natasha: You’re a m o n s t er *crying* Loki: Oh no, you brought the monster
Loki: Wait…what Natasha: Thanks for being a dumb bitch Me: LMAOOOOO
Nicky Fury just blames Thor. And Thor is like oh my god wtf.
Tony is annoyed. Everyone else is annoyed. We’re all annoyed.
NICK FURY JUST CALLED STARK OUT. NOW TONY AND STEVE ARE IN AN ARGUMENT.
Tony: wait how is this about me Steve: I’m sorry, isn’t everything Me: OH MY GOD LOKI GOT TO ALL OF U
Cap: Take that off, what are u Tony: In ur bedroom Cap: What Tony: ahem…
Nat: I’m into it.
Cap: You’re not the guy to make a sacrifice play. To lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you. Me: ………………..bitch do you wanna fight, cause I got 14 movies proving you wrong.
Cap: You may not be a threat. But you better stop pretending to be a hero. Tony: A hero? Like you? You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle. Me: Now I hate to get in the middle of this, but that’s ALSO not true….
Clint Barton is a fucking crazy ass ho. I love him.
This scene breaks my heart so fucking much because Banner’s like “I TRIED” and Tony is like “OH MY GOD SOMEONE HELP MY BOYFRIEND”
Everyone is just waiting for him to transform during his speech and I’m like y’all leave him alone. Leave my baby alone.
They’re all fighting and I’m like guys save it for Civil War.
Then they get asploded and Cap is like oh fuck Tony put on your suit and Tony is like “SURE THING CAP” and I’m like y’all what the fuck.
Banner and Natasha are in a small space together and I’m like Save my wife, 2k19.
Fucking Barton is a fORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH.
Lol yeah Tony get the suit on.
Loki is fucking pleased with himself like a fucking asshole.
THE AVENGERS THEEEEME.
Cap and Tony working together like the best bros who I love and they’re the best.
See what happens when y’all don’t fight??? SEE WHAT YOU ACCOMPLISH????
Tony: What’s it look like in there? Cap: It seems to run on some type of electricity Tony: well…you’re not wrong. Me: *screaming*
If Hulk could just like NOT destroy everything that would be great.
Thor vs Hulk. Ultimate cage match.
Tony and Cap being science bros.
WHERE ARE YOU MEW MEW 2K19
Hulk just hops on a jet like time to die I guess.
Tony and Cap are trying to fix one part of the ship while the Hulk just rips everything else apart.
Grenade: SUP Cap: yeET
LMAO CAP YOU CAN’T JUST PLAY PING PONG WITH GRENADES. YOU DUMBASS.
Oh my god Hawkeye is the fucking bEST
SAVE CAPTAIN AMERICA OH MY GOD.
Loki just tricks Thor. Ok. HE ALWAYS FALLS FOR THIS. I HAVE NO SYMPATHY FOR YOU, THOR.
Agent Coulson you absolute prince.
Thor and Banner are plummeting down to earth now so I guess that’s happening.
Now Natasha and Clint are pulling each other’s hair. Lol punch that bitch.
I love the Mew Mew sounds. Like she’s so mad at Thor for being such a dumb bitch.
Coulson: You’re going to lose. Loki: Am I? Coulson: It’s in your nature. Loki: Where is my disadvantage?
Tony: PULL THE LEVER CAP Cap: I can’t….I can’t pull the lever Tony: CAAAPPPPP *getting tossed around like a rag doll* Cap: I’M WORKING ON IT Tony: FUCK MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIFE
They’re both ok tho.
Fury: Coulson is dead.
Me: I TOLD Y’ALL.
Fury making his sons feel rEAL bad right now. Do it to ’em.
Guard: Big and green and buck ass nude Me: Sounds like my kinda man.
Guard, calmly: You an alien? Bruce: Wha? Guard: You an alien? From outer space? Bruce: …no Guard: Well, son. You got a condition. Me: HAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Clint: Do you know what it’s like to be unmade? Nat: You know that I do. Me: Oh my gOD
What is with Clint and eye sockets.
Steve: Was he married. Tony: No Me: yES HE WAS TO ME
Cap: Is this the first time you’ve lost a soldier?
Cap & Tony working together Being real gay And lookin real hot
HEEEEE. Cap telling Hawkboi to suit up is my AESTHETIC.
MY BABIESSSSS AVENGINGGGGG
Agent: You’re not authorized to be here
TONY YOU CAN’T JUST BLAST EVERYTHING. OH MY GOD.
Loki: *flirting* Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity. Tony: uhhhhhh *not falling for his bullshit* actually I’m going to threaten you.
Loki: Oh boo. You should have kept your armor on for that. Tony: Eh. It’s seen a bit of mileage and you’ve got the uh…glow stick of destiny. Tom Hiddleston: *trying not to laugh*
Tony: *flirting* Would you like a drink? Loki: *smirks* Stalling me won’t change anything. Tony: No, no, no. Threatening. No drink, u sure? I’m having one. Loki: Who tf is this man
Tony: *talking shit* You managed to piss off everyone. Loki: That was the plan. Tony: Not a great plan, you dumb bitch. They’re coming 4 u.
Loki: *clicks tongue* I have an army Tony: Bitch, we have a hULK
This entire movie is Loki’s audition tape for America’s Next Top Model.
Tony: If we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it. Loki: I ain’t scurred, bitch.
Tony: And there’s one other person you pissed off. His name is Phil. Loki: wot Tony: *shoots him* Me: LMAOOO do it to ’em, babe.
Thor: LOKI. TURN OFF THE TESSERACT. OR I WILL DESTROY IT. Loki: YOU CAN’T JUST DESTROY EVERYTHING U ASSHOLE.
Anybody know where Pepper is? Is she still in DC? How long has it been?
I’m so gay for Hawkeye oh my god.
Nat: Just like Budapest all over again. Clint: Bitch wtf. You and I remember Budapest VERY differently.
Cap: *hops on a car* I GOT ORDERS MEN
Cop: Why should I take orders from u? Cap: *flexes*
Cap: We got Stark up top he’s gonna need us to…
Bruce: This all seems horrible. Nat: *checking him out* I’ve seen worse, babe. Bruce:
Stark: I’m bringing the party to you.
YASSSS AVENGERS THEMEEEEEEEEE
Me: WHY AM I WATCHING THIS MOVIE IT HAS BEEN 5 HOURS.
Hill: Sir. The council is on. Fury: fuCK the council.
I’m so mad y’all.
Tony: What else you got? Clint: Well, Thor’s taking down a squadron down on 6th Tony: And he didn’t…invite mE.
Steve: If you wanna get up there you’re gonna need a ride Nat: I got a ride. Could use a boost tho.
Bruce: *punches Thor* Me: lMAO. Same.
Craig woke up and now he’s like o goddammit why did I do this.
Craig @ Craig:
Arrow: *explodes* Loki:
Hulk @ Loki:
Craig comes thru. Get that scepter, babe.
Jarvis: Sir we will use power before we penetrate that shell Tony:
Hawkeye just ran out of arrows and he’s like “TIME TO PUNCH A BITCH” GOD HE’S SO COOL. CLINT BARTON IS SO COOL.
Lmao Fury just shoots a jet with a grenade launcher. Fucking badass.
They’re just gonna nUKE NEW YORK. OH MY GOD. PETER PARKER LIVES THERE YOU CAN’T dO THIS.
ANTHONY EDWARD STARK YOU BETTER NOT DIE ON ME.
(i say. like i haven’t seen every fucking marvel movie including this one.)
Bruce: *YELLS* Tony: *COMES BACK TO LIFE* Me: THAT WAS TRUE LOVE’S KISS I’M CALLING IT
Tony: Please tell me nobody kissed me Me: Lmao.
Tony: LEt’s just not come in tomorrow. Let’s just take a day. You ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma place a few blocks from here. I don’t know what it is but I wanna try it. Me: tONY OHMYGOD
Avengers @ Loki:
Loki: *flirting* If it’s all the same to you…I’ll have that drink now. Tony: OFFER’S NOT ON THE TABLE ANYMORE BETCH
Lmao people getting facial hair like Tony Stark. Oh my god.
They just let Thor take the tesseract like a fucking fucker.
Council: Was that the point of all this? A statement? Fury: *laughs* No bitch. It’s a promise.
The Avengers theme is so fucKING GOOD.
That concludes my 7 hour long live-tweet of The Avengers. Thank you. I cannot believe it took me this long to tweet all of this.