I’m Thinking Maybe

There’s a pain I can’t ignore
Because Earlier I got to thinkin’ “Maybe I can”
but there’s things you don’t want to deal with
so there in lies the problem
to deny what love is
transforms you to hate.

People are startin’ to worry
that I’ll say good-bye to what I was
now that I feel like this.

I’m talkin’ to him 
and askin’ him “Is this right?” 
but he’s tellin’ me “No”
it don’t suprise me
the answer was there all along.

I’m talkin’ to her
but she don’t know the problem
she don’t know what she’s about.

I don’t wanna say good-bye to yesterday
because it lacks these complications
the things I have to hide
but maybe I can just say it isn’t there
but there in lies the problem…
because it is.

Our Game

It’s like this:
you wait a lifetime to hear hello
but all they wanna say is good-bye
you wait forever to be their reason
but all they wanna tell you is a lie.

It’s like you smile for something you’re gonna lose
waiting for that person to notice you’re not playing
you want something serious, but they’re not into it.

So they leave you there and you don’t know what to say
they break your heart and you wait, just wait.

There’s really nothing left now
so you shrug your shoulders and try to get over it
but this is the time when you realize it’s different.

The feeling isn’t the same
this isn’t how you play the game.

You’ve never felt this way
but you blow it off as just another stupid excuse
you’ve said things like this before
to those friends who are forced to listen.

Then you realize, it’s really different
and now you’re too afraid to say the things you’re feeling
because this isn’t what this is supposed to turn into.

It’s supposed to be a game.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever been so in love
that his smile is your lullaby,
his eyes are your night sky,
he overtakes your dreams.

Have you ever been so in love
that he steals your breath
his hair comes in whispers
sweet caresses on your cheek.

Have you ever been so in love
that his laugh is your morning song
sweet melody carried by the wind
hitting your ear in sweet rhythmic tones.

Have you ever been so in love
that he’s the soundtrack of your summer
every song you hear makes you think of him
in everything you write, he has a place.

Have you ever been so in love
that you get butterflies when you see him
even if you just catch a glimpse
see him for a fleeting moment.

Have you ever been so in love
that his heartbeat is the rhythm you live by
that you can’t go a single moment without the thought
of your cheek pressed against his chest
the steady rhythm of his heart
the warmth of his touch.

Have you ever been so in love
that you want to know everything about him
you hang on every word
love his imperfections
love him with all your heart.

Have you ever been so in love
that it hurts; good and bad.
he overtakes you, breaks you
you’ve memorized the way he walks.

Have you ever
                 been so in love
                                    that he can break your heart?
with just one word.

i can’t keep a secret

I don’t want to miss you
I’m so angry I feel heavy
overcome by so many emotions
I don’t know where to start.

I don’t want to miss you
I’ll start there, it’s self-explanatory
but, don’t you want to know my reason?

If I don’t miss you
you can’t hurt me
you can’t make me feel this way
if I don’t miss you then I don’t
love you.

But let’s get real here,
do love you
and I do miss you 
so how do I make the pain stop?

That’s the second thing on the agenda
how do I make the pain stop
The answer?  I don’t
because I’m not telling you
won’t tell you.

You tell me I can’t keep a secret
if only you knew the secrets I’ve been keeping
from you, from your family, from my friends
let’s dish, shall we?

I am full of so much anger, hate, bitterness
because I fell in love with you
I am so angry that I had to
fall in love with someone who is so
stupid that he’d cast me aside
like a rag doll.

I hate this emotion so much
love?  love?  LOVE?
They tell you it’s magic
that it’s beautiful, 
but all it is is PAIN
wrapped up in golden paper
and coated in chocolate.

You want to know all the things I keep from you?
I love you I’m in love with you you’re my
everything and I’m scared
I waited for so long to be in love, but now?
now I wish I’d never felt anything like this.
I wish I’d never met you.
I HATE THIS.

I’m so angry that I can’t feel anything but
pain, bitterness, resentment and I can’t
STOP CRYING.  I HATE YOU.  I HATE YOU.  
I HATE YOU.

but isn’t it funny?  that i don’t hate you at all?

Review: Starlight Taxi by C.M Lanning

This book was actually a surprisingly entertaining read. I’ve known C.M Lanning for years, but only just managed to get around to reading his books and to be honest, I’m really mad about that because he’s an incredible author.

I seriously recommend his books to anyone who likes paranormal, but his foray into the world of science fiction with Starlight Taxi is, *kisses fingers*, delicious!

There are a few things I don’t agree with in the narrative, but I won’t focus on that since I know the author will update them when he rewrites this short!

First off, let me just say, I was not expecting to like this nearly as much as I did. A story about a taxi driver seemed really weird to me. However, from the very beginning I was hooked.

It kind of reminded me of the strange people you meet driving for Uber! I thought the writing was fantastic and the story was so compelling and interesting that it easily kept my attention.

The ending seemed weirdly rushed and I would have liked to see that expanded more, but you run into that a lot with writing novellas. I am no stranger to writing them myself and you are constantly running out of space.

All and all this is one of my favorites by Lanning. Or, at least, my favorite he has published on Amazon. Cannot wait to see what becomes of The Last Fire Mage!

5/5 Stars.

More on Starlight Taxi

Take a ride with the driver as he goes from planet to planet, picking up fascinating passengers and dropping them off at their destinations. 

Being an intergalactic cab driver isn’t the worst job in the world. He gets to meet new people every day as he adds their tales to his own. 

Set in the future, mankind no longer exclusively inhabits Earth. Instead, people left and terraformed other celestial bodies in the galaxy. When those people need a lift, they call Starlight Taxi, and the driver comes to pick them up.

Buy it HERE, only on AMAZON.

Spectrum

We’re on different sides of the 
spectrum:

a range or scale of anything such as opinions or emotions

it doesn’t make sense
these words rushing through my
heart:

this definition is relative

i don’t remember the last time i thought
in waves of color, blending 
breaking,
i don’t remember the last time
there was time or patience
or forgiveness
least of all love.

Our differences are relative
they tell me we’re the same
but “they” are relative
my thoughts are disrupted
by silence
and for the first time
i wish there wasn’t this endless
second:

time passing by.  an increment.  measurement.

where all i think, thought, speak about is you
it has been a long time since i’ve felt the
special kind of
numb:

lack of feeling

-ness
where all it is—
is your soft whispers
and excited tingles on my skin.

Someone once told me
that “opposites attract”
but i don’t think of us
(which by our terms, is relative)
as “opposites” or
“the same”
similarities and opposites are
“relative”.

I asked you once, twice
more times than I can count, actually
what you defined “us” as
and every time i asked, the answer was
different:


its a contrast, contradiction 

but as of late, its defined as
special.

It’s been a long time since
i’ve felt unbr-oken, a full
spectrum of light
shining through 
glass.