i can’t without you

I’m laying here awake
Naked
Skin soft and supple
Lips wet
Fingers on your chest
Cheek against your shoulder
Ripe
Sweet
Open
And you’re checking your phone
For things that will never be
While I’m here next to you
Ready to be plucked from the stem
Heart racing
Heated
And pleading
But you
You’re too far gone
No matter how many nights you hold me
Beg me not to go
Smooth my hair over my shoulders
Kiss my forehead
Placate my whimpering trembling body
You’re never you
Not anymore
You’re just a shell
Hunched over your phone
Next to the
Sweetest fruit you’d ever eat
Escaping to the things that bitterness is made of
Just to pretend to feel whole again
Like you never will
Without me. 

miracles

I’m standing here
bathed in the light from the hallway
still waiting for you to come back
to say thank you
to love me again like you used to
but deep down I know you’re never coming back
because you’re angry and I’m angry too
because I hate you and you hate me too
because there’s nothing we could’ve done
but just waited for each other
and you’ve moved on
but I’m still stuck here
like a ghost
loving you
and you’re out there searching for other things
and still missing the point
of someone so devoted they would stand here
door open, hands at their sides
waiting for a miracle
but maybe miracles don’t exist
outside of fairy tales. 

convenience

Enveloped in your arms
cheek pressed to the soft flesh of your chest
listening to your words come softly
the words that tell me
“this isn’t love”
then what is it?
What are these caresses
declarations
sexual encounters
“convenience”?
And I’m used up
bitter and cut off from the world
because I love you more than anything
because I dared to love someone like you
more than life itself
and my reward
is forever remembering you 

dreams, wishes, & fates

i used to think that
love was the way you said my name
or the way that you
smiled at me when we sat in silence

but now everything feels empty
a shell of what we were
the silence is deafening and
every word is a dance

we are broken, unfixable
the distance between us is insurmountable
and i wish

wish

wish

but it never comes true

Girls Like Me

Girls like me,
don’t fall in love
we watch love happen.

Girls like me,
wait for love
want love
give love
but do not receive love.

Girls like me,
are not meant to be loved
we are meant to watch 
and help love happen.

Girls like me,
try for love and fail.

Girls like me,
die alone
and bro-  -ken.

Girls like me,
will love, giving all of ourselves,
but will not receive it’s warmth in return.

We will cry
but we will not receive comfort
we will bleed
but the bleeding will never stop.

Girls like me,
want to be loved
but no one will love us.

We will write about love,
we will dream about love,
we will love love
but we will never feel it.

Girls like me,
end up alone.