Obi-Wan TBH: Obiwan likes applessaujce

Obiwan loves his family but somethingtesd they dob;’t know what to even thing.  somethimes terhere is a griafffew tith a crossbow and then some puchuoc people, but mostly he just loves the winswed.

pademas is very into like y’know not dying to shtey move sa lot amnd thet tinw sare mostly eokeay 3hyw iweht.

but everything is actually connected ot wyterbrt.

SDpm pnowam ,ales sire je mpws amd tjre are sp,e ;ole [[[e;e om [;aces turomg tp ,asler soitr erbeutjomg cp,ers tpyghjetrjer nity je dpesm

t wamt ot cp,e cp,er tjteot.  ;nrt/  jer eamts jods twoms top ne plau wotj eberutjomg/  rtjheu wremt nity je trioes. ,agic s w aerpod tjomg/.

tje emd/

Video Game Mockaries: Dating My Daughter

NSFW Warning

And as always, with 13 as my captive audience, over 2000 miles away, we discovered something rather troubling. It was a game, of sorts, more like a dating sim. Where you date uh…your *ahem* …biological daughter whom you haven’t seen in several years following your divorce from her mother. 

Wonder why you got divorced dude. 

After much deliberation wherein Thirteen and I discuss my very sanity and the depth of my self-hatred, my curiosity got the better of me and I downloaded the game. 

And so it begins, with a loading screen. 

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Thirteen: Oh good. 
Thirteen: Well. At least it’s honest about the terrible, terrible thing it is from the beginning. 
Santiago: (my partner, off in the wings) Why is there a butt?
Me: Don’t ask. You really, really don’t want to know. 

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Me: What do we name him?
Thirteen:  I feel like it needs to be something appropriately horrid yet hilarious to fit out avat–Humbert? 
Me: Yes. 
Thirteen: Amazing. And terrifying. 

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Me: We must name the girl.
Thirteen:  Welp I mean the obvious answer is Lolita to match.
Me: Of course, but Delores or Lolita?
Thirteen:  Lolita. Dolores is a touch more subtle but I don’t see a reason to waste subtlety on this shit.

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Me: WE’RE ONE PAGE IN AND I’M ALREADY CHOKING HALF TO DEATH.
Thirteen:  Spoiler Alert: it was to avoid you, you disgusting subhuman filth! 
Me:  Also there’s no sound so this is fucking eerie as fuck. 
Thirteen:  Ew. 
Thirteen: Well.It was going to be super creepy anyway.
Me:  at least I can play it without headphones.

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Me:  These ellipses sure are ominous 
Thirteen:  I would say “only because we know where this is going” but no 
Thirteen:  They pretty much are regardless.
Thirteen:  And you know. I just KNOW every time people make sure to point out a character is 18 that that means they actually aren’t. 
Thirteen:  So. Yeah. :I

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Me:  Um. Someone is a little too excited. 
Thirteen:  o___o 
Thirteen:  This is really bad coming off Dream Daddy because I’m trying to squish down residual “awww” feelings because I know this is going to be terrible. 
Me:  I keep thinking about Dream Daddy too. It can’t save us now. 
Thirteen:  On one hand I need Golden Child and her totally-sweet-and-non-creepy dad to make things better, on the other I want them FOREVER AWAY FROM THIS.

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Thirteen: Is that a pile of weird dildos and/or other sex toys at the left
Me:  He’s only getting ready to entertain his daughter. 
Thirteen:  There’s totally at least two dicks in there.
Thirteen: Oh well of course
Thirteen:  Why didn’t I think of that

*DES IS GETTING ICE CREAM BREAK*