Cotton Candy Dreams

My heart broke the night we stared at the moon &
you told me that you’d never stop loving me &
we fell asleep in the grass, close to keep warm &
in the morning when I woke up to the sun & 
you were gone – a whisper of the night &
the shadow from my dream the night I never cried again.

My heart breaks to see your smile off in the distance like
a beacon in the night, guiding me to some far off reality like
a dream where we’re together all the time and not like
we’re separated by an hour and 74.6782 miles – I counted.

My heart swells with every step you take towards me with
your arms open, waiting to hold me in them and kiss me with
all your love, all your might, all your being and no matter what I know
without any doubt that there’s no place I’d rather be than here with
you right now, away from reality in a world of spinning colors and cotton candy
dreams and real smiles and everything I could’ve ever wanted…

but there goes my alarm clock again

When She’s Free

She told a lie and now she’s stuck
sinking and suffocating in their accusations
their unwillingness to want to help her
but they don’t seem to understand
that there’s only
THREE HUNDRED DAYS or
ten months or
7  ,  2   0   0 hours or
25,920,000 seconds until
she can finally fly again
and her wings aren’t broken
by the weight of broken promises
and their invalid arguments
and their crushing laughter
when all she can think about
is her 300 days or 10 months or 7,200 hours or
25,920,000 seconds until she’s finally free
and ready to fly.

Stars & Clouds

She paints the stars on his bedroom walls
and bends the shapes into perfect symmetry
she kisses his eyelids and cups his face
and she still holds his hand and closes her eyes
when he kisses her and she  knows
without a doubt that she loves him

He paints the clouds on her canvas
and makes straight lines out of coat hangers
he kisses her forehead and caresses her throat
and he still holds her hand and moves strands of hair
from her face and he tells her he’s clouded
and not like the stars, but she knows what he means

She pushes for liberation
fills his head with lies and false accusations
whispers in his ears that there’s no way this is right
that there’s no balance of control and there’s no balance
at all and there’s no love in this and for a moment
he’s swayed and blanketed, confused
but he remembers…

She paints the stars on his bedroom walls
and kisses him softly, holds him in the night
and whispers gently in his ear that everything will be okay
and they’ll make it because they always do
and he believes her because he knows she’d never lie.

Faded Lifeforce

In solitude she wakes
drawing with chalk
on the walls and marking
the day with a short line

She doesn’t know what time it is
or how she got here, buried down
deep, deep, deep in the earth
but she does know how many
pink, white, purple, green, blue
lines are on the wall 
&
how many days it’s been
since the sun peeks through 
the holes in the bars
&
she knows how scared she is
and how lonely it is inside

At night she dreams about 
anger and flashing images
of desperation and a fight
and now she’s somewhere
where there’s water droplets
dripping and rats scavenging
and her only friend is the 
occasional silence
between squeals and 
the rhythmic
drip, drop, drip
of the water

And her whole body aches for just
one second of peace and a meal
she didn’t steal from a rodent
with a mouth full of disease

She’s so alone.

MCU Re-watch: The Incredible Hulk

I’m re-watching the entirety of the MCU, these are my live tweets.

Today’s live tweeting is dedicated to Lisa Stapleton! Happy birthday, you giant nerd!

😍

Let the games begin!

Do all the MCU movies have Universal before the Marvel Studios logo? I don’t remember that from Iron Man

👀

Or is Hulk like Spider-Man? Who is owned by Sony and being borrowed by Marvel?

Fixed it.

This opening sequence is really weird. Hulk is smashing everything and Liv Tyler is in a hospital bed and there are memories and Liv Tyler’s dad is telling him to get out and I’m really just wondering wtf is going on.

This movie is already very different from Iron Man. It’s kind of hard to imagine it was ever considered something MCU-ish with how strange it feels. It’s not something I’ve grown accustomed to. It’s very 90s.

He’s just talking to his dog. And now watching TV. And reading the dictionary. Now he and his fighting teacher are breathing and I’m just like what the fuck. And then he started slapping him. Real cool stuff is happening y’all.

From world renowned scientist to janitor. Good job there, Bruce. (Not being sarcastic, I’m pretty sure janitors get paid more than scientists so this is probably a step up)

UM WHERE WAS SHE IN THE REST OF THE MCU CAUSE HOT DAMN GIRL CAN GET IT.

Boss: 5 months you’ve been helping me out like this. You’re too smart for day labor. Let me put you on payroll.
Banner: *cuts his hand*
Terrible CGI: This is what blood looks like, right?

His blood fell into the pop y’all. He’s working in a drink factory. Lol he just supergued his finger closed.

HE STOPS THE PRODUCTION AND CHECKS AND HE FINDS HIS BLOOD ON THE STUPID CONVEYOR BELT BUT DOESN’T CHECK THE BOTTLES? COME ON BRUCE. Somebody gonna get a Hulkin surprise with their pop.

AND GUESS WHERE IT’S GOIN?

Gorgeous woman: Help me Ed Norton, you’re my only hope.
Me: Hulk time?

THIS MOTHERFUCKER JUST WALKS AWAY. OH MY GOD.
WAIT HE COMES BACK.
HER NAME IS MARTINA.

You wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry. Loving this. Great job. A+.

Now he’s making some kind of flower paste or whatever. Looks super fun. Very visually stimulating. And by that I mean I’m bored as shit right now. Where is Mark Ruffalo.

Bruce Banner. Making the Hulk Virus worse, one flower at a time.

Why do people never fill out customs forms in movies? Like you can’t just send stuff to another country without that form, my dude.

STAN LEEEE. He literally just opened a fridge and started looking in it. It was so random! OH DUDE. HE GOT KILLED BY HULK’S BLOOD (I think). HOT DAMN.

He alerted the army to his whereabouts with his blood accident. And now they’re commin to get his ass.

I hope they didn’t kill that dog cause I’m gonna be super mad about it.

AHAHAHA HE LEFT A PILLOW IN HIS BED AND THEY TRANKED THAT. Then he ends up in gorgeous girl’s apartment. Can this be a movie about her instead?

Wow Banner. They found him hella easily. He’s so bad at being inconspicuous.

HAHAHAHA SOME DUDE JUST FELL OFF A ROOF. DUMB ASS.

Mark Ruffalo’s Bruce Banner can’t fight like this. Continuity error.

He’s about to get angry and these dudes are like fuck you Bruce Banner.

Hello Hulk.

It ain’t easy being green.

Me, watching these dudes get fucked up: I don’t know what y’all expected. He’s the Hulk.

Solider: If Banner knows what it is, I’m gonna track him down and put my foot on his throat and…
Me/Captain: That was Banner

🙄

DUDE ENDED UP IN GUATEMALA. BANNER WHY. BANNER HOW.

HE JUST BOUGHT MORE STRETCHY PANTS. AN ICON.

It’s really hard to make this funny when huge stretches of this movie are just silence and running around. Like I’m really upset about how boring this is.

Oh look. There’s Liv Tyler. Cool. Maybe something will actually start happening.

Nope. He’s just awkwardly staring at her and watching her walk off with some random guy holding hands.

I dunno why he’s sad. I don’t know what he expected. For her to not move on after he nearly killed her?

Her new boyfriend is a head shrink according to this super old guy who owns a pizza place. One of the best head shrinks? Idk.

Now Banner is delivering pizzas. Secret agent maaaan. Secret AGENT MAAAAN. Gonna give you a free medium pizza in exchange for entering a lab.

Hello Mr. Harrington from Spider-Man: Homecoming:

Lmao Norton 360 came up when he logged in and I’m like yeah. Sounds about right.

Frfr. I wanna know who Mr. Blue is. Cause I want it to be Tony Stark because that would be cute, but he would never be Blue *crying*

LIV TYLER SEES BRUCE.

They meet on a bridge in the rain. Also why the fuck is she whispering? Like she’s just whispering really loudly instead of talking for her line delivery and I just. Can we not whisper in super hero movies 2k19?

I actually groaned out loud for this delivery. Come ON, y’all.

At least she got the data he needed.

Y’all I am 45 minutes in and this has been a huge mistake so far.

Found out who Mr. Blue is and I immediately hate him.

🙄

I should’ve just watched Iron Man 2. At least Pepper doesn’t go around whispering all the time.

Oh no. I think I hurt her feelings. No. Wait. She’s just pining over Bruce who is sleeping in the other room. Fucking b o r i n g.

Sad music: *plays*
Bruce & Liv Tyler: *pining*
Me: *sighs heavily*


THIS SEEMS SAFE.

Another chase scene. Just what I wanted.

Lmao he just swallowed a thumb drive. Good job Dr. Banner.

Oops. The Captain is actually a General. And he’s Liv Tyler’s father. I’m totally shocked. See: No I’m not.

General: *looks at hulk* Now she’ll see
Me: Dude.
Liv Tyler: oh no he’s hot.

Tag yourself: I’m the people filming on their camera phones.

Cool?

Liv Tyler: *finally yelling* YOU’RE KILLING HIM. STOP!!!
Me: No, go on. Where’s Mark Ruffalo?

I love how they just keep trying to shoot him like that’s gonna do anything. Seriously.

He just kicked Blonski into a tree lmao.

Liv Tyler is lookin at him. And she just whispers his name.
And he protects her from getting hit by a helicopter.
Twas beauty who tamed the beast.

He makes his hulk face and I’m vastly underwhelmed.

OH MY GOD HEAD SHRINK BRO TOTALLY TURNED THEM IN.

Head shrink: He protected her. You almost killed her.
General: Blah blah blah terrible excuse.
Head shrink: You know. It’s a point of professional pride with me that I can always tell when someone’s lying. And you are.
Me: Who fucking wrote this.

Head Shrink: I used to wonder why she never talked about you. Now I know!
General: *pause* where does she meet these guys?

Where is Mark Ruffalo 2K19:

He just threw a rock at the sky. It’s lightning you dumb green fuck.

There’s still like 50 minutes left and I’m just like lmao nevermind we done. But I promised I’d watch this and that’s what I’m gonna do.

Right after I go get sushi from a restaurant down the street.

She got what she wanted all those nights ago where they were pining. Lmao hulk is little spoon.

Tbh? AWH. Can you imagine Banner being little spoon with Natasha? That’s so fucking cute.

Natasha is big spoon 2k19.

LET’S MCFUCKIN DO THIS. GOT MUH SUSHI.

LMAO. She got him purple stretchy pants. SO ICONIC. But he won’t wear them. I’m real sad about it.

2k19:

They try to have sex and his heart rate is just like “Yo waddap” so he can’t have sex cause of his roid rage or some shit. They warned y’all. Steroids cause impotence. And you didn’t listen. When will you learn? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.

They’re selling necklaces now. Cause they only have $40.

Wait.
THIS IS SHIELD?

I was wrong about Mr. Blue.

Who TF is Samuel Sterns 2k8.

Banner: I don’t want to control it. I want to get rid of it.
Me, living in the future: WELL HONEY. YOU GOT A BIG STORM COMIN’.

They’re on a boat now. Headed toward Manhattan.

NEW YORK CABBIES, AM I RIGHT??

😂

Lmao. Liv Tyler yells at and kicks the cab and Ed Banner is like “Lmao.”

Hello Sterns. Lmao unassuming man shaking my hand.

Sterns: Kill him? YEAH. I should say so.
Who TF is this actor.

They’re about to shock him or something. They did it. And now he’s transforming. Haha science.

Kicking things in the lab and yelling. Haha science x2.

I sped up the play back because the amount of long ass pauses where nothing happens is too fucking much and I’m really mad about it.

Sterns: None of our test subjects ever survived
Me: Wait…what?

Blonski just tossed Liv Tyler into a damn wall.

Liv: I will never forgive what you’ve done to him. Don’t ever speak to me as your daughter again.
Me: Oh shit.

Sterns, to Blonski: Looks like you got a little something in you already, don’t you?

😉

Well, now Abomination is outchea and we’ve got all these damn hulks runnin around and shit. Good job Sterns.

CAUSE YOU FRICKIN FRICKS JUST CAN’T EVER BE QUENCHED.
YOUR FANTASIES CAN’T EVER BE QUENCHED, CAN THEY?
YOU FREAKIN FRICKS.
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?
THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!?

They finally wise up and stop using regular bullets once it’s not the hulk and I’m like y’all are fuckin dumb.


TWO KISSES IN ONE MOVIE? WOW. Is this before Disney owned it? Cause Disney doesn’t like kissing.

THE FUNNIEST GODDAMN PART OF THE MOVIE.
Banner: *kisses Liv Tyler and jumps out of the airplane*
Banner: *falling and waiting for The Hulk*
Hulk: *doesn’t come*
Banner: OH SHIT

Hulk, shows up late with Starbucks:

Clash of the titans: (This still is so perfect lmao. Look at those matchbox cars.)

What I don’t get is why they’re trying to make their own super solider serum when they already have it. Like didn’t Howard Stark already make this? #CaptainAmerica

General: Help the green one!
Me: THEY’RE BOTH GREEN YOU MORON

Abomination: You don’t deserve this power
Hulk: *kicks his ass*
Helicopter: *explodes*
Me: Wow.

Abomination is kicking Hulk’s ass now. NBD.

Abomination: Any last words?
Hulk: HULK SMASH.
Me: DO IT TO ‘EM, BANNER.

Bruce Banner has incredible penmanship. That’s hot yo.

Tony Stark: *walks in*
Me: *IMMEDIATELY STARTS SCREAMING*

TONY TONY TONY TONY TONY TONYU YTONY YONTY TONY YOYNYYONY Y TONY!!!!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stark: I hear you have an unusual problem
General, terrible acting: YOU SHOULD TELK
RDJ, doesn’t even break character, staring him down like a pro: You should listen.
Me: *HYPERVENTILATING*

Stark: What if I told you we were putting a team together?
General: Who is we?
Stark:

OH MY GOD HE’S SO HOT.

THEN IT JUST ENDS THERE. TONY COME BACK. TONY. TONY COME BACK. *SOBBING* TONY YOU WERE THE ONLY GOOD THING IN THIS MOVIE (OTHER THAN MARTINA) COME BACK.

Also what happened to Banner’s dog?

Y’all there was no after credits scene this is fucking sacrilege.

Give me more Tony Stark 2k19.

That concludes my live tweet thread for The Incredible Hulk! You can read them on Twitter here.

You can see my Iron Man live tweets on twitter, here. And you can read my Iron Man LTs on my blog here.

Thank you guys so much for all your support! And if you really really like my MCU live tweet series, please think about supporting me on Patreon, Ko-Fi, or sending me a donation via paypal.

I’ve been unemployed for a few months and my savings are running out. So every day is a struggle. Any little bit helps.

You’re My Angel

Your lips are smooth against mine
the gentle feeling of your hands against my back
holding me with whispers of desire and 
you say “don’t hold back” like you
want all of my pain to flow through you
and out of me completely.

You whisper against my neck, 
soft butterfly kisses on my throat 
and I’m gone, pushed under these waves of
time and it’s running out, but you say…
“don’t think about it” like you know
that one day we’ll be infinite.

I’m all broken beneath my flesh 
and constantly anticipating being alone
but you hold me close like the seconds aren’t 
falling behind and you say “time is on our side”
as our last moments shatter like crystal
and all that’s left of me is waiting.

Every second is perfection when you hold me
tell me “it’s only a little while longer” and I
realize that no matter what, you’re the only one
who knows what I need to hear to make me real
and untie me from the reality I lie to myself in.

& as you slip away
I say “please don’t go”.